all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
