Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
