totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
