Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
