I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
