She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
