i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
