Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
