Apparently you make a good broom.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
