My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
