Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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