to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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