yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
