That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
