he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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