I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
