Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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