why didn't you poke me back
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
