I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
