Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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