Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
