I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
