I got chris browned last night
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
