Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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