the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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