Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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