just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
