Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
