My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
