Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
