Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
