all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
