whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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