is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
