My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
