Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
