Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
