we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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