Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
