my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
