She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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