Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
