Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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