I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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