How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
