my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
