He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
