the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
