Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
