If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
