Cold hands, warm shart.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
