There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
