We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
