Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
