New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
