My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
