either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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