Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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