Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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